Everyday as I come home from work, I have (
it has become) a habit of opening my p.c. and connecting it to the net immediately. It was as if I have not opened a computer in the office. Mind you, the urge is so great. I cannot let each day pass by without doing this, kahit isang saglit, kahit sandali at kahit pa hours, kailangan gawin ko ito.
The symptoms are clear. I know. I just do not want to admit it to myself ; that I am becoming or have become a full-blown Internet or blog addict. For reason that I cannot explain, basta, I still do not consider myself as one. (ang kulit, hehehe) Probably this is my kind of self-shame avoidance or simply, I do not want to face it.
Like most, if not all our government officials and politicians, they too obviously have different kinds addiction — addicted to power, addicted for money, addicted to fame, addicted to using and abusing people and addicted to corruption. They too know what it is like to be one. They too know the symptoms, and yet, they too, do not want to admit it or consider themselves as one.
How can they ignore the fact that people are suffering because of their crazy acts? How can they do them repeatedly and every time, they always find ways to justify them as acts done for the common good? Is it not obvious that they too have that illusions or hallucinations that most addicts have?
For all we know, you or me, all of us ordinary citizens, are the ones they call as addicts. Addicts to their rule, addicts to their extravagance, addicts to their abuses, addicts to their stupidity and to all the bad things they do. (Contrary to what we are saying and shouting in the streets, still, many of us do not consider them as one.)
How can we ignore the facts that scandalous acts by these people sell newspapers and at the same time, television and radio stations get the ratings they want, columnists and writers make money writing about their stupidity and lapses in judgment, and many still cry when they die? Is it not very obvious that many of us have illusions too? Perhaps, we have delusions that someday we will become them. (No wonder, many of us happily send them to heaven rather than mercilessly kicking them straight to hell. Or could this be the right way, we just let them enjoy for a while.)
Perhaps, many of us are far above the ground. Probably many of us have some kind of self-shame-avoidance as well or, many of us are addicts beyond rehabilitation.
Are we or are we not? I wish we were not!