Archive for the 'Humor n Joke' Category

De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da Is All Your Politicians Want To Say to You

They are MEANINGLESS but you simply believed them.

Last night I was in the airport to pick my kumpare who is going back to reality. Going back to reality because his vacation in Manila is over. lol

As I was waiting for him to come out from the door of the airport, I was seated with a young Filipino couple.

The wife holds their sleepy young son. The boy’s head is comfortably rested in his mother’s right shoulder while the father lovingly brushes his hair.

The sleepy boy then lifted his head and turned to his father, “Yes baby, sleep ka pa ha. Lolo is not coming out yet,” said the father.

The door opens. The father stands up to check whether the Lolo is among the passengers. As he sits down, the young kid extends his hand to his father saying, “de dodo.”

For us Pinoys, we know what that means – he is hungry and he needs his milk.

Early in the moning today, I was watching a youtube video of Sting live in Manila. And mind you, what the boy has just said is exactly the song which I googled the lyrics so I can sing along with.

Poets, priests and poiticians
Have words to thank for their positions
Words that scream for your submission
And no one’s jamming their transmission
‘Cos when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you.

De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da
Their innocence will pull me through
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you

De do do do, de da da da
They’re meaningless and all that’s true

What I just saw in the airport made me realize that:

The song is not meaningless.

Between the boy and the father, the ‘de do do, da da da ‘ means so much more than asking the father a milk. It is a language of love.

For the Kupal politicians the ‘the de do do’ is not really meaningless when said eloquently. It spells magic.

For the even more kupal pinoy voters, the “de do do’ means so much more than a lovely song heard from ibong Adarna. It is a language of doom. No common sense needed. No logic required.

As we leave the airport, my mind still sings;

de do do, de da da.

I just wish that the boy grew up as Jose Rizal expected him to be – the future of our mother land.

de do do, de da da, nagrereklamo ka pero sila pa rin ang ininoboto mo. de do do, de da da, is al i want to say to you.

de do do do, de da da da, they’re meaningless and all that’s true.

de do do do, de da da da, gamitin mo ang yong common sense, di ka na baby is all i want to say to you.

lol

ASWANG, PULITIKO at BOTANTE

Noong isang araw, napanood ko ang isang episode ng Juan Dela Cruz, palabas sa Channel 2.

Ang sabi ng isang karakter na tumutugis sa mga aswang, “Hwag kang matakot sa mga aswang kung malakas ang kanilang atungal dahil malayo pa sila. Matakot ka kung tahimik o di na sila maingay kasi nasa paligid na sila at handa nang umatake.”

Sa ngayon, panahon nang eleksyon, di ba ganon din ang nangyayari? Habang nagngangapanya pa lang, halos buong barangay ay nabubulabog sa atungal na gawa ng mga PULITIKO. Ngunit, kapag nahalal na, napakatahimik at halos wala ka nang marinig sa kanila.

Sa mga botante, dapat ninyong tandaan; totoong dapat kayong matakot kung ang iniluklok ninyo sa pwesto ay nanahimik na. Tulad nang binaggit ng karakter sa palabas na Juan dela Cruz, matakot kayo kung tahimik at wala ng ingay ang mga aswang dahil nasa paligid na sila, handa nang umtake at lamunin ang biktima.

Kaya ngayon pa lang, kilatising mabuti, mag isip-isip at gamitin ang sentido kumon kung sino ang pagkakatiwalaan ninyo nang inyong napakahalagang BOTO. Dangan kasi, baka aswang imbes na tunay na lingkod bayan ang inyong maipwesto.

Kayo rin, baka maubos ang inyong lamang loob. LOL

May nagtanong, papaano daw ba malalaman kung aswang at di tunay na lingkod bayan ang tumatakbo? Aba, kayo ang makakasagot nyan? Hangga ngayon ba di pa alam ang mga aswang at tunay na lingkod bayan? NAMAN!!

HALer! Magpatuka ka na lang kaya sa King Cobra o kaya, Ipakain mo na lang ang sarili sa buwaya! At least magkakaroon ka ng silbi sa earth.

LOL!

— Sulating walang kwenta, Abril 5, 2013

WTF have they told me and WTF I have to read!

Finally, after so many months of silence, I have something to say. Bwahahaha!

So let me start. Oki!

I thought my new assignment would make my small brain rest for awhile and stop memorizing or remembering more acronyms and abbreviations… I was mistaken. I was totally surprised. I was mistaken, again. LOL!

For nearly three or four decades (sorry can’t remember. lol), my small brain, on daily basis, has been accepting billion of things, maybe more if everything is counted from conception to deception, and for most part of that nearly 3 (yes, i guess 3) decades, all those RIC codes and those that are used by bankers, stock dealers, brokers, analysts, fund managers, bankers, CUSTOMERs, journalists and what have you (made money writing them though in bastardized way. lol) took the best space of my brain that in some or few instances, I forgot my name. I was thinking that my brain is using FIFO, or LIFO. Wait, ano nga ba ang FIFO at LIFO? lol

Count your blessings

This pic is not mine.

Now, I have to stretch, squeeze or find some more space inside my small brain (talaga ha?) to accommodate the new stuff like TCoE, SDLC, SLA, the so many ‘X’ Analysis things and terms, data blah blah, system security issue x,x,x,x, methodologies, structures, architectures, MIS and WTF have they told me and WTF I have to read.

My luck works in a not so constant way when at this age, (my age, yes, off course, no, of course!) my brain must only be used to visualize the best and the beautiful and what lies ahead and what should have been repeatedly playing inside it (it must be, it should be) are action words, QUIT / Retire / Enjoy after working hard for so many years…. I was mistaken. Again, I was totally surprised; I was mistaken. lol

I am not complaining. I am not ranting either. I am just saying things aloud.

Which, unrelated or not,  this morning, I saw something posted somewhere, “what’s for you won’t pass you by.” Whatever that means to you or to me, I am sure it means something. Ang gulo. lol

OH BTW, someone should have done regression testing on me. Regression testing is the process of testing changes to my brain (computer programs) to make sure that the old brain (older programming) still works with the new changes. lol

Kung di mo ito naintindihan, sori ha.

There, assley is confused.

myepinoy,

Hello! How are you there? hope yours are all fine and wont be placed as Gloria’s guarantee like Topacsyos.

I came across your blog somewhere over there (ask me not where, just consider, there!). At first I was excited. Then, I was hooked and now, I have got no idea. Your blog is just there.

Butt (to borrow your somewhat funny but stupid substitution of butt with but), don’t get too excited about the word excited and hooked. I am always like that — got few words in my head to use in describing my thoughts.

Going back, I was excited in a way that I thought I found another blog that is crap. Unfortunately, I later found out that your crappy blog entries have got some sense, the reason for which I got hooked. I love reading nonsense. But then reading more entries from your blog,  I had to assure myself that I really love nonsense and that’s the reason why I have got no idea where I am at right now.

I do not want to flatter you so I would rather keep quiet ass to which or what entry has sense.

Just the same, and in order not to deflate your ego, your crappy blog has plenty of errors. Again, I would rather keep quiet ass to which and where all those errors could be found. It is your blog, and so it is your problem, not mine. bwahahahaha!

Nevertheless, I appreciate your time writing here and there. It just shows, you have plenty of time to waste and that makes me happy coz it justifies my wasting time (reading your blog) as well. I am not alone. Reading your blog somehow proves that I really love nonsense.

With so much time to spend understanding my love for nonsense and yours too.

Yours,

assley is confused.

Dear There assley is confused,

My detractors and readers (do i have alot? hahaha) want to relay to you how terribly right you are. Yes that’s coming from the bottom of their guts. Unfortunately, they are all puzzled and confused as to what you really want to say. Really. They all want to see not just a double talk but also a clear statement saying that my blog sucks and I write crap and the worst blog ever.

Honestly, this blog does not mind the words crappy blog entries, nonsense, lots of errors and other negative words. They don’t affect me either. Why? If you have read what is written on top,  the other side blog of myepinoy. Keeping you disconnected, disoriented… and I call this blogging, this blog has no other intention but such. It is what it is and as you can see, it has not deviated from it,  (just a bit maybe) – clear and truthful (???) from the start. If you would allow me to brag, your letter just proved it. You wrote it exactly the way I wanted it to be – nonsense.

BUTTNonsense is actually an understatement. LOL

I too admire you. You have what it takes to understand, love or hate this blog. I wish your kind would multiply faster than any other known species on earth. Then I would have a chance to become famous and perhaps you too and the rest who love nonsense.

Today is good and I feel great as well.  As such,  I am compelled to do the unusual – share something with sense. Here they are:   “Enjoy yourself.  It’s later than you think.” – Chinese proverb,   “Do not take life too seriously.  You will never get out of it alive.”  – Elbert Hubbard

Keep on reading baby.

Salamat. Thank you.

Truly yours nonsensically,

myepinoy

PS. May I call you my number one fan? Crap, nonsense and stupid, right? lol

About Mr. Condom, Sleep and Useless Rants

So today is Monday.  Yes, A Monday!

Mechai Viravaidya is the founder and chairman of the Population & Community Development Association (PDA), one of the largest NGOs in Thailand dedicated to poverty eradication. He is also well-known for his  Cabbages and Condoms restaurant.

In this TED talk he gives an amusing overview of how Thailand went from 7 children per family to 1.5 in less than four decades and a 90% reduction in HIV infection rates from 1991 to 2003.

P-noy must invite this guy to come over to the Philippines and help out with his Poverty and population programs.. Baka maka-enlighten siya sa pag iisip ng mga ibang tao sa ating lipunan most especially those people with brains molded in the dark ages and with mind-set stuck in the 1600.

* * *

Now, back to normal programming and on to the main thing. ha ha ha

Let me repeat.

So today is Monday.  Yes, A Monday!

Someone said that “an idle mind is the devils playground, and his name is Alzheimer’s.

On the other hand, another someone said “Sometimes the most productive thing one can do is to sleep.” Perhaps this someone really knew Alzheimer well. Ano sa palagay nyo?

But then, what happens when you wanted to be productive, meaning you wanted to sleep but you cannot. Not because the devil, ah the Alzheimer I mean, is having a good time in your brain cells or not that you have insomnia or whatever but simply, the people in the environment where you are in have undergone a drastic lifestyle change where they make the day their night and the night becomes their day for a month or till the moon disappears.

Continue reading ‘About Mr. Condom, Sleep and Useless Rants’

All about bleeding noses

Ayon sa balita na napanood ko sa TV at nabasa ko sa ABS-CBN website – Erap rushed to hospital due to nose-bleeding:
MANILA, Philippines – Former President Joseph Ejercito Estrada was rushed to the hospital on Sunday afternoon because of profuse nose-bleeding.
His wife, former senator and doctor Luisa “Loi” Estrada said there is no cause for worry.
In an interview with ANC, she said: “There’s nothing to worry about. Nagkaroon lang ng parang gasgas. His nose bled, that’s it.”
She said doctors are now checking what caused the lesion “but there’s no mass, so it’s okay.”
It was Senator Jose “Jinggoy” Estrada, Jr. who rushed the former president to the hospital.
Many years back, an equally old comedian and noon-time TV show host had this joke on national TV:
Question: Papaano mo malalaman o masasabi na matanda na ang isang bading?
Answer: Kapag dumudugo na ang kanyang ilong (nose-bleeding)
Question: Bakit?
Answer: Kase, yon na lang ang masikip eh. LOL
Hey hey hey. Don’t look at me that way! I am just telling you stories that I have seen and heard on TV.
Peace! Happy Monday to all.

Sorry, I can’t help it, U LOL great, I swear

So, I was kind of enjoying my silence. Yes, my silence.

Happy Camel, You or Me? Oh, come on!

Happy Camel, You or Me? Oh, come on!

The kind of thing that I have been doing for the last couple of years, making money to be specific,  has somehow slowed down a bit. It is never frantic anymore like it used to be.

From hectic to frantic then frantically (tama ba ito? may suggestion ka?) waiting for the market to close and go home. This is the silence I am getting used to right now and for the past few months. Silence shhhh! . Gets mo what I am talking about?

As it is, and contrary to what most of the DULING analysts out there who  predicted that everything will collapse and stop, it must stop and, was supposed to collapse and stop, but, well, quite amazingly, it did not, and fortunately, I still have my work that afforded me time to enjoy my silence as well. I am talking about the U.S. stock markets where my making money or WORK is.  Ha ha ha.

Continue reading ‘Sorry, I can’t help it, U LOL great, I swear’


Tweets

Categories